Time of the Month

  • Uterus: I made these nice eggs for you dearie!
  • Me: uhhhhhhh
  • Uterus: bu.....buuuu....buuuuut
  • Me: I am sorry Uterus, I haven't had sex in more than half a year
  • Uterus: FINE! You don't want these perfectly nice eggs I made for you this month?!?! Fine, I quit.
  • Pain sensors: he he he he *in a russian accent* it's my turn
A guy out there was meant to be the love of your life, your best friend, your soul mate. The one you can tell your dreams to. He’ll brush the hair out of your eyes. Send you flowers when you least expect it. He’ll stare at you during the movies, even though he paid $8 to see it. He’ll call to say goodnight or just because he is missing you. He’ll look in your eyes and tell you, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world, and for the first time in your life, you’ll believe it.